For those of you who know me well, you you how ridiculously hard I am on myself. I am a perfectionist, in life and in training/competing. This can be a good thing and a VERY BAD thing.
Allow me to explain a little more in-depth.
I have had many races, races where I have been in 1st place, where I simply "lose faith" in myself and start to question why I am where I am. I often feel that I don't deserve it, or that I haven't given it my all. I have actually said out loud in the middle of a race "I'm not an ultra runner, I don't have any talent". These demons have almost destroyed several of my races and have made me want to stop running/CrossFitting several times. I don't know why I constantly doubt myself and why I question my abilities... I just always feel that I could've done something more.
Corey was the first person to really call me out on this self doubt, and it was truly a wake up call for me. I have decided to make an effort to believe in myself this year, and to ignore everyone who seeks to put me down!
Now this plan hit a bit of a snag lately when I let some things that others said about me get to me. I again started to doubt my abilities, which is INSANE, given how hard I'm working and how much progress I have made. It's funny, because I know that what they said was out of jealousy and the fact that I achieved something great, but it still affected me. I don't understand why people can't just be supportive and happy when others do well!! UGH!! Especially women... we are truly cruel to each other... (note to self: be kind to all women/girls, we need it)
I know this is a bit of a rant, and not the "norm" for my blog. But I think we all have inner-demons and we all doubt ourselves from time to time. I just want people to know that I feel the same way, and I often doubt myself. I know I need to get stronger mentally for this year, and the first step is writing this.
GOODBYE SELF DOUBT!!! HELLO 2013 and BELIEVING IN MYSELF!!!